One Small Step - Will Rides Again?!* Will & friend

.  My non-candidacy for President of the United States of America! ala that great luminary Pat Paulsen [a rather funny fellow who seemingly came to take himself more than a trifle too seriously].

My Platform - "the peoples platform"

Issue # 1 - The federal government must enact and enforce a sufficient modicum of federal regulation via the FCC to restore to all Americans, especially to the poor and downtrodden, the teeming masses of humanity [woops, is that sexist? should I say humanity and huwomanity?, I may need the services of an experienced campaign manager to sort these matters out], the privilege of viewing the most popular of major sporting events without having to pay for cable or satellite television services to do so!  It was not really so long ago that all people, definitely including the very poorest, could enjoy the privilege of viewing these sporting events, e.g., the professional major league baseball divisional series playoffs, and the World Series championship, the NBA playoffs and championship, the NFL playoffs and championship, the Olympics, and world boxing championships, but now 50% of households cannot enjoy such great events, nor newer and important events such as women's NCAA basketball playoffs and championships without paying for expensive cable or satellite television services; this societal wrong must be corrected - and if elected I will correct it!  

Issue # 2 - The federal government must enact and enforce a sufficient modicum of federal regulation via the FCC to provide to all Americans, especially to the poor and downtrodden, the teeming masses of humanity [woops, is that sexist? should I say humanity and huwomanity?, I may need the services of an experienced campaign manager to sort these matters out], the right of viewing the federal government workings broadcast via C-Span I, C-Span II....

If the technology were not available that would be one thing, but the fact is that the only thing preventing all Americans from being able to view, learn of, and respond to the workings of its purportedly representative government is for that purportedly representative government to require that these government broadcasts of government activities be broadcast freely without the necessity for viewers to pay cable and satellite service companies in order to view them.  Is there a cost associated with such a change, yes, a monetary cost, but there is an infinitely greater cost and not merely a monetary cost to refusing to provide such vitally important information to the people, to all of the people, so that they may become better informed and involved citizens.  If elected I will champion these causes in my campaign to champion the people, all of the people, and especially the poorest, the least educated, the least privileged, and the downtrodden teeming masses, so that they may realize the American dream of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness!

Thank you, thank you.

Issue # 3 - Do I need to have a third issue?  Oh dear, what other burning issue can I champion?  Can I champion a "lesser of two evils" issue, i.e., advocate for a greater evil to be eliminated with the proviso that a lesser evil be adopted ?  OK, here goes.  In exchange for all women being banned from any and all military membership and participation, I will champion women being integrated into the NBA, MLB, NHL, NFL, WBF, WWF....  Am I in favor of women competing in these professional "Contact Sports"?  Are you crazy?  No, of course I'm not in favor of such lunacy; but, compared to the absolute evil of women in the military, I will accept such an exchange as a substantial improvement for this shamefully lost and dying society.  As an additional unilateral concession, I will champion the Augusta, Georgia Masters Country Club being made a female-only country club, that's right, I will champion this extreme "affirmative action" measure to "right past wrongs" of exclusion of women, by henceforth excluding men!  Hopefully the gentle ladies will not engage in contact sports competition at their new ultimate prestige state of the art golf course facility and old-girls-network club/facility.  Fore!

[Likely some demagogue presidential candidate or other will champion these causes one day in order to further their own political career.  Ironically, if I were a political candidate (which I will never be), I would champion these causes, not as my principal causes, but as worthy causes nonetheless, and not to con the masses, but simply because these changes should be made; I believe that they would improve life and opportunities for people including children who cannot afford to see such things.  Contrary to what some politicians and political parties seem to subscribe to, not all government regulation is bad or harmful, nor is all deregulation good or beneficial.  Truly, your non-candidate.] 

to be continued...

CBM's Sketches

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